Yesterday my mother told me that I have become a different person than I used to be. Those words were not something that I wanted to hear of course but after spending a night thinking over what they really mean I think I understand what she was getting at.

I think that a person becomes different or is considered to be different when others know little about them. "losing touch" is a way of putting it in today's world. When you lose touch with someone things become different. Your actions won't seem so wild and crazy to you but to another person the comparison between "how you used to be" and "who you are" are quite different.

When you surprise a persons expectation of you they begin to wonder where else the surprises will come from. I don't believe that people enjoy surprises. I think they prefer achievement and happiness, but not surprise. And after last night I think that I've begun to realize just how right my mother could be.

I am not different. At least I don't think so. But I do think that I am standing in a different place that where I was three years ago. Before I moved to Las Vegas I was standing much closer to the people that I spend my days talking to. This is true literally, figuratively, metaphorically and spiritually. I was simply closer to them. But now with the passage of time I find myself disconnected and quite apathetic about that disconnection.

I feel like I'm wandering around an empty house looking at fleeting visions of what used to be there. Curios that were placed here or there filled with all sorts of "junk" that creates a sense of nostalgia. Smells and sounds that echo all around me in the silence that comes with not really being there. Even that empty house that I see myself inside isn't really there and I am beginning to realize that it never really was either.

I know nothing really. I'm am surprised everyday by everything that happens. It's a strange world we live in. I will say that everything I think I know only makes me wonder. But out of the few things that I may have "learned" I believe that all this time what have been the greatest concerns of my life equate out to nothing more than a drop in the bucket. I think that this is true for you, for me, for everyone and everything under the sun.

What this means for me is that...more is the only thing that can be expected now.

What I hear I hear and what I see I see. How I choose to understand these things is the choice of the others who hear and see and talk and listen. What I am today I always was. Who I am tomorrow I can be. For tomorrow is like all the yesterdays of a life. Tomorrow is just a word. Just like yesterday.